I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
