I wish I could teleport
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think I have vodka in my lungs
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
