My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
why is half of my head shaved?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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