with your own penis?
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you never un-have a 4some
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
