The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
