I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So here I am, sexting at work.
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