duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
