there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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