I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
