those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
