I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Hippo gnu deer
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
