I bet he comes in French.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
