It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
