fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
