me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
