My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
