Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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