I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Congratulations! We have a period
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
