One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
