just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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