his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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