Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
