why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
