Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
