If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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