no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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