i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I supernannyed him into submission
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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