Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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