Moan for me like Helen Keller
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
