I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
