I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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