Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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