she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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