Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
