Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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