Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
