i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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