Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
