She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
