Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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