ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
