I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
