i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
