I hope mine doesn't look like that
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
