First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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