Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What drink are we having for lunch?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
