He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
