Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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