theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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