I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
