She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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